Oscar is selling Theodore, his loyal Saturn.
















Theodore was a lovely friend and we are sorry to see his passing. However, knowing his demise was near, Oscar went ahead and found a replacement. Meet Ralph Ralf:
















Ralph Ralf is fast. Ralph Ralf has many bells and whistles and is great evidence in the argument for buying a used luxury car. Ralph, who is seven years older than my Chad is much better equipped and cost half as much. Of course, you’ve got to be concerned about maintenance.

Ralph Ralf has a manual transmission, which I did not know how to drive. I’ve tried. But no offense to my mother, she is not great at teaching. She’s not very patient and things are faster when she does them, so she’d just assume do them. I don’t blame her. I can totally understand that. But that’s on my list. Be more patient. Wow, that went off course. The point of that is I can drive a stick now. I only stalled once.

* * *

EXTRA: CARMAN IS CLEVER

I took photos of Theodore yesterday. He’s a little dirty and a lot white, so it shows. But I am clever and gave it the easiest car wash ever. I overexposed it two stops. It was overcast, so it just looks like a sunny day. The car just looks gleaming except one dirty drip line that’s in a shadow. Nothing I could do without creating a heavenly glow around Theodore. Although, that might not be a bad idea.

In other news in the area of my cleverness, I found a way to satisfy a Starbucks craving in a pinch—add sugar to my coffee. I didn’t want to come to work today, but promised myself a caramel macchiato as a bribe. I didn’t wake up in time, though, so when I got my coffee at work this morning, I added a slight sprinkling of sugar. I still want the macchiato though. Maybe tomorrow. Or Friday when I’m up early enough to be first in line. Plus, I view Friday as a sort of treat day. Maybe I’ll have a piece of cake as well. Ho boy!

By the way, I wish you could say “Fuck” on television because “Starfucks” works so much better than “Slutbucks.” My dad does that with places he doesn’t like—Taco Hell, Booger King—but some of them are terrible. Carolina Forest as Carolina Hell just doesn’t do it for me. Not enough pun. As a kid I used to poke fun at Carolina Hell. I just couldn’t understand why my dad wasn’t as offended by its lack of pun as I was. I gave him a hard time about it a few times. I wish I had known how trivial my annoyance was and had just let it go. Good thing my dad reads this (Hi Daddy!), and now, if he even remembers me giving him a hard time, knows I’m sorry for it. Not to say his memory is going, but he may not have been bothered by it as much as I feel bad about it.

* * *
A friend gave me an Ani DiFranco mixed CD. I never was a fan of her stuff. Too Gen-X and feminist. My music collection is probably 75% male dominated acts. When I was coming into my music tastes, women singers were really airy and sentimental—Sarah McClachlin—or too silly—Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera—too much of a novelty—Mereditch Brookes—or just plain shitty—Paula Cole. Also, I was too young for Ani DiFranco. Way too young. I was so naïve. I doubt I’ve had understood half of what she said. I might be ready now, so I’m giving it a chance. Still, I have a feeling it will be too emotionally honest for me. I don’t do well with emotional music, especially if it’s relevant to myself. Love and loss don’t count as emotions in music. I can handle those. They’re too cliché to make me uncomfortable. Random aside: Every time I hear “Casimer Pulaski Day” I cry.

What is so wrong about emotions? That’s supposed to be the weakness of women, right? Men are better leaders (yes this is topical) because they aren’t victims to their feelings. But I think emotions can be added into logical decisions. I have no evidential support and no desire to research it. Is insecurity an emotion? EMOTIONS!! God, I’m so angry at emotions. I don’t know what to do with them.

Wow, off topic again.